They Called Her 'Ugly.' We Can All Learn Something From Her Response.

When this 'before' and 'after' photo of Stephanie Lange showed up in my Instagram feed, I remember thinking, "How cool is that -- a REAL-looking 'before' photo!"

I loved it immediately, and was not the least bit surprised.  It seemed consistent with this makeup artist's friendly, open, and down-to-earth persona.

I had begun following her after stumbling across her YouTube channel, which is full of great makeup tutorials.  I loved the content of her videos, but what made them really great was her personality; she seemed to have a vulnerable, unguarded way of being.

Unfortunately, sometimes people just act like total A-Holes.

As it turns out, this photo was met with quite a few abusive comments on Instagram.  It seems that having the veil pulled back on the carefully constructed images of beauty we are so used to seeing was threatening for many viewers, who bombarded her with nasty comments in reference to her 'before' image.

Shortly afterward, she posted the following message on her YouTube Channel, along with a video response:

I wanted to address this notion that people are 'ugly' without their makeup. As i said in the video, i get a lot of comments on photos that i post on my Instagram (@stephanielangemakeup) such as:

'This is Why Men Have Trust Issues' 'This is Why You Should Always Take a Girl To The Beach on a First Date' 'OMFG!!!' 'EEEWWWW!!!' 'She's So Ugly Without Makeup!!'

.... and that i basically paint a new face on and 'trick' people into thinking i'm pretty - when i'm not.

This frustrates me, as I don't want anyone to feel ashamed or embarrassed of their bare, makeup-free face. It's comments like these that make girls AND boys who wear makeup, feel ugly when they're not wearing it.

-Stephanie Lange

Here's what I love about her video:

• She stands her ground not just on her own behalf, but on behalf of people everywhere who'd rather not be shamed for SIMPLY SHOWING THEIR FACE. Standing up for yourself and others takes Boldness.
• She stays positive, never stooping to their level or being nasty in return.  Taking the high road takes Integrity.
• She ACTUALLY TRIES TO EDUCATE PEOPLE about why their comments were harmful. Teaching someone instead of telling them to f*ck off takes Compassion.

Boldness, Integrity, Compassion...  In my opinion, this may just be the formula for sustainable feminism -- a strong, assertive, kind approach that is inclusive rather than alienating, even when others' behavior is SO damn frustrating.  It is important to remember that even when people ACT horrible, it doesn't mean they ARE horrible.  Let's not give up on changing the world!  Just my two cents.

You can watch the full "rant" post below, and I HIGHLY recommend watching it because SHE IS AMAZING.

No, I will not edit my 'before' photo like I know a lot of other people do, because I don't care about making an illusion of what I do or don't look like without makeup -- that's just my face.

-Stephanie Lange

Question!  Are you comfortable being photographed without makeup?

I must admit, I'm not!  Since I don't like to be scared of anything, here's a photo of me having a fantastic breakout.  Hey, that's just my face.

Ridiculously Easy Thai Chicken Salad

This meal is not perfect.  For example, I could have made the dressing from scratch, omitting all sugar.  I could have used organic chicken, pre-cooked during some meal-prepping extravaganza earlier in the week.  I could have used vegetables grown lovingly by me and my children in our very own permaculture garden.  You get the idea.

It's not perfect.  It is, however, ridiculously easy, and in my opinion, healthy.

Right now, for me, great or even good work just fine.  Perfect isn't necessary.  Here's a well-written blog post about that.

I've found, as a busy mom and business owner, my good intentions in the kitchen don't always pan out, and I've tossed one too many ingredients in the trash that I thought I'd get around to cooking, and never did.

Give me simplicity!

I want a nice, easy, healthy meal, and I know that if I don't shop for and keep easy-to-use ingredients on hand, I will cave and end up ordering take-out, or eating something not so good for me.

The only work involved here is washing and cutting up a cucumber.  That's it.  All of the other ingredients are pre-washed, pre-cooked or pre-packaged in some way.

Ridiculously Easy Thai Chicken Salad

• Salad greens (I like to use organic spring mix)
• Shredded cabbage (just buy the bagged stuff, organic if possible)
• Cucumber (washing and chopping this is the only work involved in this recipe)
• Trader Joe's grilled chicken strips (they're not organic, but they're a quick, easy source of lean protein and they taste pretty good.)
• Pre-cooked quinoa (I just bought a bag from the frozen section at Whole Foods and left in the fridge to thaw.)
• Trader Joe's Spicy Peanut Vinaigrette.  OMG, THIS STUFF IS AMAZING!!  THAT'S RIGHT, I'M SHOUTING ABOUT IT!!
• I added a few cashews, but this may be overkill since there's already peanut dressing.

That's it!

Seriously, YOU NEED THIS DRESSING:

spicy peanut dressing

thai chicken salad

That's all folks. If you give it a try, or if you come up with any interesting variations, leave a comment and let me know!

15 Unconventional Facts About Me

Do you ever say yes to something when you really want to say no?  Isn't it the worst?

I have a hunch we are better at spotting this on the small scale (I wish I'd said no to this event,) than the large scale, where it really matters (I wish I'd said no to this major life choice.)  Some of those major life choices just seem predestined, handed down to us in such an expected way that we forget we have a choice at all.

When we remember we have a choice, we are empowered.  When we choose something "unconventional" or "nontraditional," we exercise power over our own lives.

I didn't write this list to brag or show off, although I can see how it might come off that way.

I simply believe that by being honest about the ways I've chosen to do the unexpected, it might help someone else feel OK about making the "weird" choice.  (Or being in the "weird" situation, as not all of these are conscious choices exactly.)

So I guess what I'm saying is... Here's to being unconventional!

OK, here goes:

1.  I had my first child when I was 19.
2. I've been with my partner, Jason, almost 8 years.  We don't own property together.  We don't share any bank accounts.  We're not married. We don't ever plan to get married.  However, I would still like to come to your wedding. I think they're fun!  Please invite me.
3. Jason and I don't have any kids together, and we don't plan to, but he has been around since my youngest was 1 year old and my oldest was 7.
4. After my divorce, I didn't go back to my maiden name. I chose a new last name from my maternal grandmother's side of the family.
5. Jason, the kids, and I all have different last names.  So there are 4 on our mailbox.
6. I don't send Christmas cards. I think they're just a total pain at an already crazy time of year.  However, I like getting your Holiday cards, so please keep sending them.  If you want.
7. I didn't finish my bachelor's degree until I was 30. It took me 10 years and I changed schools and majors several times, until finally settling on a self-designed Women's Studies major from Lesley University.
8. I have performed in burlesque shows (for fun, and sometimes dressed as a dude) and worked at strip clubs (mainly to pay the bills when I was young and poor.)
9. I saved up and bought my own condo at age 22.
10. I don't have any tattoos.  It's a commitment thing.  However, I love your tattoos.  Very much.
11. I never dyed my hair until I was in my thirties and now I cannot stop putting rainbow colors in it.  In fact, I refuse to stop.
12. Highly mentholated products such as Altoids mints make me sneeze.  There's nothing anyone can do about it.
13. I have been through domestic violence.  It was awful.  Sadly, I don't think this is "unconventional," but talking about it definitely is.
14. I play the ukulele.
15. I consider myself a feminist, and enjoy using the "F" word shamelessly.  (I also enjoy saying "fuck."  It helps me express myself.)

You're still here?  Nice!  What fun facts don't I know about you yet?  Will you share them in the comments?

Also, would you like to see any of the topics above expanded into its own post?  Let me know!

My Top 5 Tips for Rainbow Color Hair

I would have LOVED to dye my hair crazy colors as a teenager, but my parents would never have allowed it! It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I finally went for it.  It's been four years now, and I haven't stopped.  In fact, I may be addicted.  (Fuchsia, purple and blue shown above. The blue is a little hard to see, but it was fun because it reminded me of Wonder Woman.)

Having tried a few things, I have a few tips that I thought I could share with you.

1// Go to a pro

Find someone you trust and who has done this before!  It is possible to do your own touch-ups when your color starts to fade (though I usually just stick with the salon) but for most people it will take some bleaching to get your hair light enough first, so go to a pro for this step at least.  I go to SHAG salon in Boston and oomph salon in Portsmouth, NH.  Make sure they use great products.  Most stylists I know seem to really like PRAVANA brand hair color.

2// Consider going with ombré highlights

This has worked well for me, especially since my hair is so dark.  If you've got dark hair, you'll need to lighten it in order to see the pretty colors.  Going with highlights means you don't have to bleach your whole head, and doing ombré means you don't go to the roots, so there's no need for frequent re-bleaching.  

I only go once, maybe twice a year to have my hair lightened (yes, actual bleach blonde highlights. I try not to look because it's alarming.)  Then the vibrant colors go on over that.  You only have to touch up your rainbow colors as they start to fade, every 4-12 weeks, but at least you don't have to continually be damaging your hair by bleaching it.  

Side note: the colors will actually be darker when they're fresh, and will get lighter and brighter through the fading process.  Your shower/towels/pillow cases/hats will never be OK again.  Be prepared to deal with this. 

3// Don't wash your hair too much

I try to only wash my hair every other day.  (Let's be honest, this is one of the main reasons I don't do hot yoga.  Excessive sweating leads to excessive hair-washing.)  You can use a dry shampoo on non-washing days, but I haven't found one I absolutely love.  You can also get creative with up-dos when your hair's not clean and shiny enough to wear down.  When you do shampoo, use a product that's made for colored hair, and it's a good idea to wash with COLD water, so less of your color will rinse away.

4// Put some of your hair color into your conditioner!

Have your stylist put some of the color into your conditioner.  Each time you wash your hair, leave the conditioner on for 5-10 minutes while you're in the shower.  This really extends the time in between touch-ups.

5// Have fun and don't take no B.S. from anyone

It's YOUR hair.  Have fun with it.  And really, it's JUST hair.  Let's not take ourselves too seriously.

Do you have other tips to share?  Questions?  Let me know in the comments!