Living the Dream. Weeping into a Mop Bucket like Cinderella. Same Thing, Right?

Well, it's been exactly one month since the last time I posted, in the final days leading up to the opening of Barre & Soul Harvard Square.  Those next days were a blur of dirty hands, takeout food, and little sleep, as we hustled to get the studio open. It would NOT have been possible without the generosity and hard work of some amazing people I'm lucky to have in my life, including my friends, kids, partner, the Barre & Soul staff, their parents (I'm not kidding) and more.  THANK YOU to everyone who helped make this happen!

Fortunately, everything went perfectly and I also looked really good the whole time.

JUST KIDDING!  At 1AM the night before we opened, I was leaning over a mop in the middle of the yoga studio LITERALLY SOBBING LIKE A CHILD.  

We did manage to open, and the studio looks stunning. I especially love how it looks at night.

There's still a lot of decorating I want to do, like in the lobby (below),  but the details are coming together.

Classes are in full swing, and I'm working on the finishing touches.

(How crazy is that magnetic conveyor belt that lowers your cart down to the parking lot at IKEA?)

Update: this piano still needs to happen. Anyone have a lead on a used one in or near Cambridge?

I've managed to sneak away for a few days here and there over the past month to visit my hometown of Ogunquit, Maine. I love it here. So so much.

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I also got to stop into the beautiful Portsmouth studio, which is lovely and I don't visit enough.  Its 1 year anniversary is TODAY!

Speaking of birthdays, Elise turned 9!  She's been doing gymnastics camp, had a friend visit from out-of-town for a week, sprained her ankle, made lots of messes, (cleaned up a small percentage of them), has been keeping me busy, and is generally a very sweet and adorable child...  We went shopping and found a few great back-to-school items I hope to share soon.  Now she and Roman are both on vacation and Jason and I are without kids for the next week or so... I'm hoping we might make a little getaway, at least for a few days!

(A photo of my good side, obviously.)

Something I've really been wanting to share... I took a fantastic weekend yoga immersion with Goldie Graham the weekend after the Harvard Square studio opened.  The topic was sequencing and hands-on assists, and if you're a yoga teacher, I would highly recommend it.  Goldie has a very genuine, plain-spoken way about her and a true passion for yoga that really comes through and that I found inspiring.

On the one hand, signing up for a weekend of anything was probably a crazy idea at such a busy time, but then again it was probably the only thing that could have gotten me to slow down.  On both Saturday and Sunday of that weekend, we practiced for about 90 minutes, which gave me the opportunity to hear what the wise little voice inside of me had to say.

First and foremost, I realized that I have worked hard, accomplished much, and need to chill the f*ck out and appreciate it!

I was also reminded of how important it is for a yoga teacher to maintain her own practice -- Goldie mentioned that she practices 5-6 days a week! -- and how little I've been doing that for myself.

I know, but had maybe forgotten, that I can do ANYTHING, but I can't do EVERYTHING.

Ironically, the workshop that I took to keep my teaching inspired, ended up inspiring me to cut back on teaching for a while.

I am choosing to take some time to do the things I am MOST excited about right now, the things that nourish me creatively and make me feel self-expressed.  Right now, that's writing my blog and creating the most beautiful yoga and barre communities ever through Barre & Soul -- planning amazing programming and events, continuing to build and foster the dream team and to beautify our spaces.

I'm grateful that weekend gave me the pause to notice what I need and to get more of it!  I'm happy to be back to the blog and grateful to you for reading!

Till next time!

Andrea

15 Unconventional Facts About Me

Do you ever say yes to something when you really want to say no?  Isn't it the worst?

I have a hunch we are better at spotting this on the small scale (I wish I'd said no to this event,) than the large scale, where it really matters (I wish I'd said no to this major life choice.)  Some of those major life choices just seem predestined, handed down to us in such an expected way that we forget we have a choice at all.

When we remember we have a choice, we are empowered.  When we choose something "unconventional" or "nontraditional," we exercise power over our own lives.

I didn't write this list to brag or show off, although I can see how it might come off that way.

I simply believe that by being honest about the ways I've chosen to do the unexpected, it might help someone else feel OK about making the "weird" choice.  (Or being in the "weird" situation, as not all of these are conscious choices exactly.)

So I guess what I'm saying is... Here's to being unconventional!

OK, here goes:

1.  I had my first child when I was 19.
2. I've been with my partner, Jason, almost 8 years.  We don't own property together.  We don't share any bank accounts.  We're not married. We don't ever plan to get married.  However, I would still like to come to your wedding. I think they're fun!  Please invite me.
3. Jason and I don't have any kids together, and we don't plan to, but he has been around since my youngest was 1 year old and my oldest was 7.
4. After my divorce, I didn't go back to my maiden name. I chose a new last name from my maternal grandmother's side of the family.
5. Jason, the kids, and I all have different last names.  So there are 4 on our mailbox.
6. I don't send Christmas cards. I think they're just a total pain at an already crazy time of year.  However, I like getting your Holiday cards, so please keep sending them.  If you want.
7. I didn't finish my bachelor's degree until I was 30. It took me 10 years and I changed schools and majors several times, until finally settling on a self-designed Women's Studies major from Lesley University.
8. I have performed in burlesque shows (for fun, and sometimes dressed as a dude) and worked at strip clubs (mainly to pay the bills when I was young and poor.)
9. I saved up and bought my own condo at age 22.
10. I don't have any tattoos.  It's a commitment thing.  However, I love your tattoos.  Very much.
11. I never dyed my hair until I was in my thirties and now I cannot stop putting rainbow colors in it.  In fact, I refuse to stop.
12. Highly mentholated products such as Altoids mints make me sneeze.  There's nothing anyone can do about it.
13. I have been through domestic violence.  It was awful.  Sadly, I don't think this is "unconventional," but talking about it definitely is.
14. I play the ukulele.
15. I consider myself a feminist, and enjoy using the "F" word shamelessly.  (I also enjoy saying "fuck."  It helps me express myself.)

You're still here?  Nice!  What fun facts don't I know about you yet?  Will you share them in the comments?

Also, would you like to see any of the topics above expanded into its own post?  Let me know!

The Past Year, Mostly in Pictures

I'm excited to be returning to the blog after almost a year off!  Wow.  Glad you're still reading!  The last big moment I shared was in April 2014. Here are a few events, big and small, that have happened since then. I'm looking forward to diving deeper into a few of the stories below, and I have a list of other topics I can't wait to write about.

April 2014: Harry Potter World at Universal Orlando! I had to include this because OMG, have I told you how much I LOVE Harry Potter?

We made a trip up to Maine for my birthday at the end of April break 2014.  Driving through Portsmouth, NH on the way home, I noticed this space for lease. One thing led to another... and for the next few months...

May, June, July... Many delirious days and late nights were spent creating Barre & Soul's second studio (after Melrose).  Having grown up close to Portsmouth, each day that I made the drive felt like coming home.  This is one of the playlists that kept me company on the many trips back and forth.

 The day we put this floor down, I was so exhausted I stretched out on it and fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon.Later that night, Jason and I watched the 4th of July fireworks through the studio window. And then we finished the floor. And then one day... sometime in August...It. Was. Done.Jay and I drove up to Bar Harbor, Maine and celebrated our 7th (!) anniversary.  I had never been before and it was soooo beautiful.All the while, my kids continued to get huge. They went back to school. 3rd grade and 9th grade!!I did a radio interview. I was nervous at first, but it turned out to be an AWESOME experience! I look forward to sharing more about that.When I decided to make a go of opening this studio, "Fortune Favors the Brave," was the mantra I repeated daily... I could not have had a better group of women find me.  I am so grateful for the team that makes it all possible. This is the truth.  September... Barre & Soul Portsmouth's Grand Opening. We partied in partnership with the very gorgeous and talented ladies of oomph salon, downstairs from us. Also, I get so much help from this guy.October. I went to hear the Dalai Lama speak.  (You couldn't take pictures, but this is one I took outside.)  He said some things that really resonated with me. He also said some things I couldn't relate to at all. It was an interesting experience and I'm glad I went.Halloween. After spending the summer painting and driving to his music, I got to see my favorite artist, Hozier, live.  There are really no words.  I realize that by the time of this writing, you've all heard at least one of his songs (over and over and over.)  Listen to them all.  Really.November. Barre & Soul partnered with Centre Yoga at their beautiful new studio in Woburn, MA as our second "affiliate" location, (after Lexington Power Yoga, where it all started!) This means our signature barre program and teachers can now be found there, in addition to Centre's already- wonderful yoga offerings. Then the holidays came.  We did family stuff.  These are just a few of the members of the incredible team I get to work with.  A lot of people ask me how I have managed to grow the business so quickly.  Sometimes I can hear their doubt, like they are really asking, "Are you out of your mind? How can this work?"  I will tell you what I tell them: It's not me.  There is a huge team that makes it work...  I don't mean to sound sappy, but I love this team so, so much...  I was very emotional, and cried a lot throughout the holidays.  They were almost always happy tears.

Oh yeah, and then I saw this place... You can probably guess where this is going.Huge portions of the past year were spent leading Teacher Trainings (barre and sometimes yoga.)  The bad: The schedule is usually grueling and it is nearly impossible to maintain what we call "balance" during these periods.  The good: There is no other experience like it for building instant connection, community, and long-lasting friendships.

February: MEXICO. I swam in this cave. There were bats. It was awesome. March. More Hozier.More joy. And then this happened.  Barre & Soul Studio #3 lease was signed.  The big one.  Harvard Square.

First selfie in the future flagship studio.

I also got to cry my eyes out on opening night at Big Fish, Boston. I am so proud of my friend, Lee, who is starring as Karl, the giant (obviously.)  This was a true "War of Art" moment and a triumph for self expression. This man was born to perform.  He is also the one who encouraged me to sign up for a 10 month personal development course I just completed, called the Wisdom Course.  I don't have any photos from the course specifically, but I want to acknowledge that since last June, risks are less scary, friendships more dear, and life a bit more playful.

One of the facets of my divorce/custody arrangement is that roughly once a month I have to drive to upstate NY.  This can be a burden when it comes to scheduling, driving, overnight accommodations, you name it.  What has been interesting is how I have come to embrace these weekends as an opportunity to recharge.  I've really fallen in love with Lake George and the Adirondack Mountains.  I've found that perhaps the best thing for my creativity is to book a room, alone, for a weekend.  ("A room of one's own" still ringing true 86 years later.)

The past year has been a whirlwind, and as you can see it has been largely focused on my business.  I love it!  And, it's exhausting.  A "day in the life" is not what you may think.  There is generally less yoga, less play, less sleep than I would like, and more stress, more sugar, more over-scheduling than I care to admit.  Being a mom of two and a business owner, plus trying to take care of my physical and non-physical well-being is a balancing act.

One thing that has been missing for me is writing, more specifically, expression around issues that matter to women and to me.  Sure, I've been busy.  We're all busy.  But I want perfectionism to lose.  I want self-expression to win.  I want to share.

Thanks for reading,

Andrea

Will Having Kids Make You Happy?

I had my first child at age 19, very young by our current cultural standards. Since then, like most parents, I’ve worked at being the best parent I can be (sometimes more successfully than others), and I have loved my children more than I ever knew was possible.  At the same time, I have also endeavored to live just as fully as I would have without children.

I have never believed in sacrificing one’s personal happiness for anyone, including our kids.  I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t be generous; serving others is one of the most satisfying things we can do, and essential to creating the kind of world we all wish to live in. I’m not talking about the many small compromises, or momentary discomforts that come with the territory of loving someone else as much, if not more than we love ourselves.  I’m talking about sacrificing the big picture. Nothing good comes from foregoing our callings, giving up our passions and dreams.

If we surrender our own success and fulfillment in order to invest everything in our children, should they grow up to sacrifice their lives in service to our grandchildren?  This logic has always seemed broken to me.  A vicious cycle.  Nurturing ourselves and heeding our soul’s calling not only contributes to our own happiness but helps us put more light into the world in which we, our children and our grandchildren all live.

Until recently, I fooled myself to some extent into thinking of motherhood more as a relationship --- like being a sister, daughter or friend ---  than a job.  Not that I didn’t see it as chock-full of importance and obligation, but that it was simply a part of the fabric of our families and identities, not a vocation.

This view has served me well in many ways, as I haven’t used motherhood as an excuse to hold me back from doing or creating a lot of things I’ve been called to do in this life.  I still finished college (though it took a lot longer than 4 years,) researched and wrote a thesis that moved me, performed in a circus troupe, accepted exciting job offers, took a life-changing trip to Haiti, and in a few weeks, I’ll pack my bags and head to Nicaragua to go surfing – not bad right?

On the other hand, I’ve spent many days (or typically evenings, in that hellish window between dinner and bedtime known as the 'witching hour') pulling my hair in frustration and wondering why it seems so damn hard to keep it all together, feeling like things aren’t working, and asking why it seems like other women my age are getting so much more accomplished than I am.

It wasn't until I was in my thirties and my children were 6 and 13, that I became much more real with myself about the implications that motherhood has had on my life.  It is a relationship, but it is so much more; not just an enormous emotional obligation but a role full of tasks that demand a significant amount of time.

This issue regarding time is one I tried to keep secret from myself for years, but I can no longer deny its reality.  So, while I continue to follow my dreams and encourage all moms and dads to do the same, I am being much more realistic about the number of hours in my day and week that are not available due to the demands of parenting.  Some other activities, pursuits and achievements can and do get crowded out of the schedule.

Things are harder with children.  There, I said it.

I have learned that I stress less and enjoy my family most when I work fewer hours.  But when I keep my work schedule light, I experience less career satisfaction.  I want to work more.  I want to do more and create more.  I would if I could manage it. I think it’s important that I/we start speaking up honestly about this.

When I heard about feminsting.com creator Jessica Valenti’s new book, Why Have Kids: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness I couldn’t wait to hear another feminist’s take on the topic of parenting and life satisfaction.

why have kids?

After giving birth to her first child, Jessica Valenti’s experience of parenting, which was less blissful than she had expected, led her to explore the social politics around child-rearing in our culture today.  Putting modern parenting in a feminist context, Valenti examines the expectations we as women put on ourselves in the domain of parenting.  What expectations does society place on us?  How does parenting affect our lives and what changes do we still need to enact in order to make parenting a more manageable and less limiting choice?

One area I found brilliant was that Valenti encourages moms not to look at parenting as “the hardest job you’ll ever do,” arguing that this puts too much pressure on moms to put aside their other dreams and passions in the seemingly noble pursuit of being the perfect parent.  This really resonated with me and my philosophy on parenting.

In response to one mom-blogger’s online manifesto declaring parenting the hardest and most important role we can possibly play, Valenti responds:

“We must believe that parenting is the most rewarding, the hardest, and the most important thing we will ever do.  Because if we don’t believe it, then the diaper changing, the mind-numbing Dora watching, the puke cleaning, and the “complete self-sacrifice” that we’re “locked in for life to” is all for nothing.  We must believe it because the truth is just too damn depressing.”

Whether you have children, or are considering having them, I recommend this book because it helps shed light on some of the common pitfalls parents can avoid, and encourages critical discussion around the impact this choice has on us.

At times, Why Have Kids? seems more like a defense of child-free living than a call to empowered mom-hood.  Though I believe the author's intent was to open up a dialogue, rather than to argue for or against parenthood, the book frequently cites studies that show parents who are having children for “the joy of it” are ending up unhappier than their child-free peers.

While the responsibilities that come with having children would certainly seem to lead to added stress and frustration, I wonder whether the studies mentioned measure positive affect or whether they refer to overall life satisfaction?  These are sometimes broken up into two separate categories in positive psychology as “happiness” can be too vague a term.  Do parents expect more moments of joy?  More sense of purpose or belonging in their lives?  More love?

Although parenting has provided me with plenty of stress and a greater workload, it has also afforded me the opportunity to experience a capacity for love, compassion and generosity I might never have otherwise experienced.

I think Why Have Kids? could have looked more closely at the idea of love/meaning as the reason for becoming a parent, rather than coming back to the default word “happiness” so frequently.

There are many reasons why I had children.  Among them: love, chance, societal expectations, and perhaps a desire for immortality -- a part of me that lives on when my time here is up.

I'd also say that when I imagined life without kids, I often wondered who I would spend special occasions with in my older years.  I liked the idea of having adult children, and maybe grandchildren who would come together to celebrate holidays and milestones.

I encourage everyone to consider their reasons for having children, or not having them.  However, like any important choice, don't let fear or guilt be the deciding factor.  Following any calling is challenging and at times unpleasant.  Becoming a parent is scary.  So is standing up for not wanting to be one in the face of other's expectations.

As for me,  I will continue to treasure my children, while at the same time fighting for my career, my creativity, my self-expression and most definitely, my happiness.