Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

This week, I've been sharing the above quote with my yoga and barre classes.

This quote comes from Steven Pressfield in The War of Art, a book that inspired me to start my business, Barre & Soul®.  I'm sharing it with you all this week in the hopes that it inspires you too.

When I decided to start Barre & Soul®, I did feel fear.  I am grateful someone asked me this question:

Which is worse: the fear of doing it, or the fear of not doing it?

Immediately, I knew.  It was on.

This has served me well each time I get ready to take a new risk.  When I laid eyes on the space for the new studio in Harvard Square (which is currently under construction,) I was overwhelmed by the fear of NOT creating a studio there, which is how I knew it had to be done.

andrea construction selfie

Even though construction is stressful (is 'predictably unpredictable' an oxymoron? Because it describes life pretty perfectly at the moment...) and I have no way of knowing yet whether this studio will be a success, or whether it'll just turn out to be the most expensive mistake of my life, I couldn't NOT find out.

After all, what's the worst that could happen?  (Answer: zombie apocalypse, obviously. And totally unrelated to the success or failure of my business.)

Ask yourself which is greater: the fear of doing it or the fear of not doing it.

Here's to feeling the fear, and doing it anyway.

Love, Andrea

They Called Her 'Ugly.' We Can All Learn Something From Her Response.

When this 'before' and 'after' photo of Stephanie Lange showed up in my Instagram feed, I remember thinking, "How cool is that -- a REAL-looking 'before' photo!"

I loved it immediately, and was not the least bit surprised.  It seemed consistent with this makeup artist's friendly, open, and down-to-earth persona.

I had begun following her after stumbling across her YouTube channel, which is full of great makeup tutorials.  I loved the content of her videos, but what made them really great was her personality; she seemed to have a vulnerable, unguarded way of being.

Unfortunately, sometimes people just act like total A-Holes.

As it turns out, this photo was met with quite a few abusive comments on Instagram.  It seems that having the veil pulled back on the carefully constructed images of beauty we are so used to seeing was threatening for many viewers, who bombarded her with nasty comments in reference to her 'before' image.

Shortly afterward, she posted the following message on her YouTube Channel, along with a video response:

I wanted to address this notion that people are 'ugly' without their makeup. As i said in the video, i get a lot of comments on photos that i post on my Instagram (@stephanielangemakeup) such as:

'This is Why Men Have Trust Issues' 'This is Why You Should Always Take a Girl To The Beach on a First Date' 'OMFG!!!' 'EEEWWWW!!!' 'She's So Ugly Without Makeup!!'

.... and that i basically paint a new face on and 'trick' people into thinking i'm pretty - when i'm not.

This frustrates me, as I don't want anyone to feel ashamed or embarrassed of their bare, makeup-free face. It's comments like these that make girls AND boys who wear makeup, feel ugly when they're not wearing it.

-Stephanie Lange

Here's what I love about her video:

• She stands her ground not just on her own behalf, but on behalf of people everywhere who'd rather not be shamed for SIMPLY SHOWING THEIR FACE. Standing up for yourself and others takes Boldness.
• She stays positive, never stooping to their level or being nasty in return.  Taking the high road takes Integrity.
• She ACTUALLY TRIES TO EDUCATE PEOPLE about why their comments were harmful. Teaching someone instead of telling them to f*ck off takes Compassion.

Boldness, Integrity, Compassion...  In my opinion, this may just be the formula for sustainable feminism -- a strong, assertive, kind approach that is inclusive rather than alienating, even when others' behavior is SO damn frustrating.  It is important to remember that even when people ACT horrible, it doesn't mean they ARE horrible.  Let's not give up on changing the world!  Just my two cents.

You can watch the full "rant" post below, and I HIGHLY recommend watching it because SHE IS AMAZING.

No, I will not edit my 'before' photo like I know a lot of other people do, because I don't care about making an illusion of what I do or don't look like without makeup -- that's just my face.

-Stephanie Lange

Question!  Are you comfortable being photographed without makeup?

I must admit, I'm not!  Since I don't like to be scared of anything, here's a photo of me having a fantastic breakout.  Hey, that's just my face.

15 Unconventional Facts About Me

Do you ever say yes to something when you really want to say no?  Isn't it the worst?

I have a hunch we are better at spotting this on the small scale (I wish I'd said no to this event,) than the large scale, where it really matters (I wish I'd said no to this major life choice.)  Some of those major life choices just seem predestined, handed down to us in such an expected way that we forget we have a choice at all.

When we remember we have a choice, we are empowered.  When we choose something "unconventional" or "nontraditional," we exercise power over our own lives.

I didn't write this list to brag or show off, although I can see how it might come off that way.

I simply believe that by being honest about the ways I've chosen to do the unexpected, it might help someone else feel OK about making the "weird" choice.  (Or being in the "weird" situation, as not all of these are conscious choices exactly.)

So I guess what I'm saying is... Here's to being unconventional!

OK, here goes:

1.  I had my first child when I was 19.
2. I've been with my partner, Jason, almost 8 years.  We don't own property together.  We don't share any bank accounts.  We're not married. We don't ever plan to get married.  However, I would still like to come to your wedding. I think they're fun!  Please invite me.
3. Jason and I don't have any kids together, and we don't plan to, but he has been around since my youngest was 1 year old and my oldest was 7.
4. After my divorce, I didn't go back to my maiden name. I chose a new last name from my maternal grandmother's side of the family.
5. Jason, the kids, and I all have different last names.  So there are 4 on our mailbox.
6. I don't send Christmas cards. I think they're just a total pain at an already crazy time of year.  However, I like getting your Holiday cards, so please keep sending them.  If you want.
7. I didn't finish my bachelor's degree until I was 30. It took me 10 years and I changed schools and majors several times, until finally settling on a self-designed Women's Studies major from Lesley University.
8. I have performed in burlesque shows (for fun, and sometimes dressed as a dude) and worked at strip clubs (mainly to pay the bills when I was young and poor.)
9. I saved up and bought my own condo at age 22.
10. I don't have any tattoos.  It's a commitment thing.  However, I love your tattoos.  Very much.
11. I never dyed my hair until I was in my thirties and now I cannot stop putting rainbow colors in it.  In fact, I refuse to stop.
12. Highly mentholated products such as Altoids mints make me sneeze.  There's nothing anyone can do about it.
13. I have been through domestic violence.  It was awful.  Sadly, I don't think this is "unconventional," but talking about it definitely is.
14. I play the ukulele.
15. I consider myself a feminist, and enjoy using the "F" word shamelessly.  (I also enjoy saying "fuck."  It helps me express myself.)

You're still here?  Nice!  What fun facts don't I know about you yet?  Will you share them in the comments?

Also, would you like to see any of the topics above expanded into its own post?  Let me know!

Read Any Good Books Lately?

I recently finished 2 books. OK, technically "audiobooks" since that's what seems to work best for me these days. I've been using the Audible app which I think is reasonably priced at $14.95 for 1 credit/month and offers unlimited returns on books, so if one were inclined to return a book and reuse that credit, one could...

I was excited to read How to Build a Girl by Caitlin Moran. I truly think she is one of the funniest and sharpest modern feminist writers out there.

The story focuses on the teenage years of a self-proclaimed fat girl, growing up in a poor family with her many siblings, who  spends a good amount of her free time "wanking" and the rest of the time listening to alternative bands and lusting after boys.  I was confused -- having read How to Be a Woman, which is memoir, I recognized some details from Moran's life, but others didn't sound right.  I looked it up afterward and saw it was actually a very-semi-autobiographical novel.  Oh!  Makes sense.

Moran's writing is highly self-deprecating and confessional.  I personally related to her rock-star-fixated character, having been the same way as a teenager, and let's face it, I still am.

Despite dropping out of high school, she manages to get a job as a rock critic, and establishes herself by ripping to shreds any band she reviews.  In reality, Moran herself got her start as a writer in similar fashion.

One thing I marveled at (enviously) while reading was the apparent ease with which teenagers can write.  What I wouldn't trade for the naiveté required to simply put something down on paper, without the highly tuned inner critic of an adult, and a bit less regard for offending the reader.

The best part about this book was a passage in which the main character posits the theory that every great thing that's ever been done has been inspired by unrequited love:

Since I met you, I feel like I can see the operating system of the world - and it is unrequited love.  That is why everyone's doing everything.  Every book, opera house, moon shot and manifesto is here because someone, somewhere, lit up silent when someone else came into the room and then quietly burned when they didn't notice them.  On the foundation of the billion kisses we never had, I built you this opera house, baby.  I shot the president because I didn't know what to say to you.  I hoped you'd notice.  I hoped you'd notice me.  We turn our unsaid things into our life's work.

-Caitlin Moran, How to Build a Girl

Beautiful sentiment.  Beautifully written.

I also recently read listened to Yes Please by Amy Poehler, another funny and feminist lady, and a Boston native.  This memoir is a collection of stories, essays, and even some silly haiku poems on topics like divorce, cosmetic surgery, career, and motherhood.

If you're a fan of Poehler's work on Saturday Night Live, or Parks and Rec, you'll enjoy chapters which go into some detail on her creative experiences on these shows.  Because I'm not a big TV-watcher, these chapters were slightly less interesting to me, but overall I found the book very entertaining.  I also appreciated seeing a hugely-successful TV star get on her soapbox about gender equality issues in the workplace in her humble, funny way.

Another thing I appreciated is the way she shared personal anecdotes without over-sharing.  When she wasn't comfortable going into detail about the circumstances of her divorce for example, she acknowledged it, and instead shared her observations on what going through divorce was like, for her, without focusing on her ex or throwing anyone under the bus.  Reading this book was part of what inspired me to start blogging again and sharing more of my own experiences.

Currently, since a friend recommended it as their favorite book ever, I'm taking on Victor Hugo's Les Miserables.  I've never read the book/seen the movie/watched the musical and am a total newbie to this tale.  The audio-book I'm listening to is about 56 hours long.  So yeah.

Last one!  The kids and I have been listening to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallowsduring any of our medium to long car rides.  (The Jim Dale-narrated audio-books, always.  Now available on Audible, hooray!)  It takes us a while to finish the books this way, but that's part of the fun.

My son and I listened to the entire series when he was 7-8 years old, on many long trips back and forth during an inter-state divorce and life-relocation that we were going through at the time.  The stories provided us with a richly imaginative escape during a truly stressful time.

Now that my son is 15, I think he has been enjoying listening to the series all over again with his little sister, now 8, almost as much as I am.  I love these books SO, SO much and had to mention them here.

Have you read any good books lately?  I would love to hear what you recommend!